Who won finally ??

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called
to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had got my hair and nails done, cooked your favourite meal and even wore a
brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you
love me anymore; you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Signed: Your EX-Wife







Dear Ex-Wife:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother
raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter
that you wrote you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother, was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.


Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

Men Are Just Happier People

Men Are Just Happier People — What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. A wedding dress is $5,000 but a Tux rents for $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades! You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons. Yo u can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Deadly scrabbles

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.

FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE

When you rearrange the letters:

FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL

DILIP VENGSARKAR

When you rearrange the letters:

SPARKLING DRIVE

PRINCESS DIANA

When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:

HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:

IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Last Moments

Best Poem 2005

When I born, I Black,

When I grow up, I Black,

When I go in Sun, I Black,

When I scared, I Black,

When I sick, I Black,

And when I die, I still black..

And you White fella,

When you born, you Pink,

When you grow up, you White,

When you go in Sun, you Red,

When you cold, you Blue,

When you scared, you Yellow,

When you sick, you Green,

And when you die, you Gray..

And you calling me Colored ??

Management Lesson

Lesson No.1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him,
"Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: " Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson No.2

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,
"but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.





Lesson No. 3

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile
of cow dung,it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm
and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lesson:

1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.

2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!